In which Pao-Lin learns from Ginia that a hard man is good to find. And other things.

[i_am_not_cute]

[What was it with those fucking Valentine's Day experiments?!

...

Okay, maybe that particular qualifier shouldn't be used anywhere near those words, considering what had happened between Pao-Lin and Hubert this time around. Maybe they hadn't quite done the deed then, but they'd certainly come close enough to make things supremely awkward between them afterwards. Really, Pao-Lin had been amazed that Hubert still showed up for his kung fu lesson a couple of days later -- she herself had almost thought about calling in "sick" for those. But that would have been pretty irresponsible of her, and anyway she did really miss him a lot. Like. A lot.

...this whole sex thing was stupid, Pao-Lin thought. And confusing.

The latter point, however, is the whole reason Pao-Lin is heading over to House 44 today. Upon hearing about Pao-Lin's encounter of the goodtouch kind, Ginia had offered to clarify a couple of points about the whole deal, inviting Pao-Lin over for a special "girl talk" session. Pao-Lin had almost said no. It was embarrassing enough to think about, never mind talk about.

But Ginia always has something useful or important to say, and Pao-Lin's confided a lot in her over the time she's known the woman in Luceti. And the only other person she would consider talking to about such matters, Nathan, is away on a mission at the moment.

So, bundled up against the February chill with her hood up to hide what is probably a very bashful expression, Pao-Lin rings the doorbell of House 44.]

Comments

[shadedsunlight]

[Ahh, leaving. It took a few years herself to learn leaving is often as simple as the other person needing a bit of space to process and think over things. However, it doesn't make it any less hurtful and downright confusing.]

Have you talked to him since then?

[i_am_not_cute]

[She nods.]

We had our usual kung fu lessons a few days later. But he didn't stay afterwards like he usually does, and I haven't talked to him since.

[shadedsunlight]

[That is troubling. Ginia tents her fingers together and considers what direction to go.]

Take all the time you need to think on this question, but how did you feel about Hubert before the experiment, and how do you feel about him now?

[i_am_not_cute]

Wh-what do you mean?

[She's actually just kind of stalling on having to think about an answer for the question. She knows, or can guess, what Ginia means.]

[shadedsunlight]

What are your feelings for him, emotionally? And it's okay if you're not quite sure, it can be a tricky thing to figure out. [She chuckles quietly and picks at a cookie.] It took me awhile to sort out how I felt about Giles.

[i_am_not_cute]

[Pao-Lin pops the last of her cookie into her mouth and chews on it as she thinks. Her hands lie loosely folded in her lap and her gaze is fixed on the floor.]

Well, I...I really care about him, a lot. I love being with him and talking to him. [Even if she's long since realized that sometimes he's not quite as...cool...as he first seemed. But he's still plenty awesome to her and Pao-Lin still admires him greatly.] I want to spend lots of time with him. [Her hands clench a little.] So I want to work this out with him. [She hopes he feels the same.]

[shadedsunlight]

[Ginia nods sympathetically. Emotions, especially young ones, can be such a tricky thing, though it doesn't get any easier as an adult.]

I'm sure you two will be able to work things out. Just remember the experiments affect the majority of the population, so the two of you aren't alone. These things do smooth out. Do... I must ask if you two were... well, close during the event. Physically, I mean.

[i_am_not_cute]

[Pao-Lin's shoulders hunch, and she blushes heavily as she mumbles:]

...a little.

[Yeah, it was way more than "a little".]

[shadedsunlight]

Which I suppose brings us to our topic of the day.

[i_am_not_cute]

[Fidget, fidget. Blush.]

[shadedsunlight]

Rest assured I won't be breaking out any diagrams or educational videos. [Maybe down the road, but not now.] Before I begin explaining things, do you have any questions? Ask whatever you want, it's okay.

[i_am_not_cute]

[She shakes her head.]

N-no. I mean, it isn't like we...we didn't actually...you know... [Sob.]

[shadedsunlight]

[Ginia gives a tiny huff of relief. Good.]

Kissing then? And maybe a bit of, well, physical contact?

[i_am_not_cute]

[She nods, then pauses for a while before adding, in a small voice:]

...we had our clothes off too.

[shadedsunlight]

[Oh, Pao-Lin. Nudity, or partial states is not a crime, but it's a confusing sort of thing. Welcome to the scary world of hormones and experiments.]

There is nothing wrong with physical intimacy. Granted, it's quite cruel and unfair when it happens during an experiment, but the act in itself is nothing to be ashamed of. Sexy and nudity are not things to be ashamed of either.

[i_am_not_cute]

It was just...kinda sudden, you know? We hadn't done anything like that before. Just kissing, really.

[What she has a harder time admitting to and figuring out for herself is that she's wanted that physical intimacy from Hubert for a while. Not to the extent of having sex (that still weirds her out a little), but some of the things they did during the experiment before taking off their clothes were pretty nice, she thinks.

But Hubert's a gentleman -- or, if one were less favorably disposed towards him, an uptight prude -- and typically keeps his hands to himself when the two are together. She's never asked too much about taking things to the next level, because she wasn't entirely sure what that "next level" really consisted of. Until the experiment.]

[shadedsunlight]

[Ginia nods understandingly.] It's always a big change going from kissing to... anything beyond that, really.

Let me tell you something. When Giles and I had our first kiss, it was during the fairy tale experiment. We kissed several times during the experiment, but there was one night both of us were mercifully unaffected. We talked about things that had happened, joked a bit, but we kissed again that night, unaffected. It was nice. We began dating after that.

That would have been... goodness, October? It wasn't until December did we go any further. Kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, yes, but nothing more. We... well, our first time doing anything more was in December. It was very spontaneous, very exciting.

My point is it can be very sudden even outside of experiments. It's true these experiments have ways of accelerating things or pushing things together that might not have never happened. Hence experiment. But having it happen during an experiment doesn't make it any less valid or important.

So you and Hubert were more agreeably physical. How do you feel about it now? Do you feel uncomfortable? Regret? Enjoyable? Take time to think, know there is no right emotion.

[i_am_not_cute]

[Yeah, Pao-Lin definitely knows all about experiments making the impossible possible. This whole thing with her and Hubert started with an experiment, after all. Every now and again she still finds herself wondering if she would've fallen for him (or vice versa) without the love experiment coloring her view. Not that it's supremely important to know the answer to that question -- it's merely a thought exercise, sometimes predicated on fears that this wonderful (if sometimes scary) thing she has with Hubert isn't meant to last. She really, really hopes that this recent experiment didn't mess their relationship up beyond repair. Because...]

...I really liked it. [A deep sigh.] I just don't know if he did.

[shadedsunlight]

That is, unfortunately, the worst part, and something that can only be settled with time. [Ginia reaches out and pats Pao-Lin's hand sympathetically. To a young girl, even to an older woman like herself, time can be the dearest friend and greatest enemy. Even now, she felt a bit of what Pao-Lin was feeling as Helios was off avoiding everyone again and Giles was throwing himself into a new project to take his mind off the experiment.]

Both of you have a lot of process and to think about. It's not something to tread lightly because, I'm sorry to say, things have changed.

[i_am_not_cute]

[She reaches out for another cookie, but instead of chowing down she rests her hands in her lap, thinking.]

What do you think I should do?

[shadedsunlight]

For now, focus on yourself. It may sound a little selfish, but you need to think about yourself and what you want. If you aren't clear on what you want and how you feel, it won't make talking to him any easier. Figure yourself out first.

[i_am_not_cute]

...okay. [Easier said than done, of course.

She looks up at Ginia.]

How are you doing? I mean, you got caught up in the experiment too, right?

[shadedsunlight]

[Ahh. There's a good question. Ginia picks at a cookie and sighs.]

...I'm still working that out myself. I suppose that's the feeling of the week. I won't deny it was nice. Enjoyable, even. Goodness, with how close Helios, Giles, and myself are, I doubt anyone noticed until we were kissing in public. [Grune had been quite delighted when she saw them and happy for the then-cheerful three.]

I don't think things between Giles and myself changed. But I'm not sure where Helios stands.

[i_am_not_cute]

But you're all still friends, right...?

[shadedsunlight]

Yes, I believe so. We have a lot to sort out... but it would be nice if we could all stay friends. Of course, Giles and I are still together, we sorted out that much already.